Dim too soon.

http://www.legacy.com/DFW/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=108132548

Hold Fast,

Caulfield

Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings

The New Counting Crows album came out today. My girlfriend and I drove around doing errands and listened to it straight through twice.

I hope the digital medium doesn't destroy the album. I don't think it will. I think Wilco and The Black Crowes, and Ryan Adams, and The Counting Crows, I think they will defend the honor and the glory of the album.

Anyway, the new album is really good. It's the continuation of a story that Adam Duritz began telling us 15 years ago with August and Everything After. This is the everything after. He still battles insomnia, he still loves Maria, hates himself, wants fame without isolation, intimacy without commitment, and to believe in something beautiful.

If you're not already a fan, this album is a good place to start.

Hold Fast, (especially you Mr. Duritz)

Caulfield

Sweet Little Lies

No banana flavored candy tastes like bananas, but all banana flavored candy tastes the same.

This smacks of conspiracy. I first noticed it once after a trip to the pool in my neighborhood. The pool had a little snack stand. I decided to switch from SweetTarts (chewy, of course) to Now & Laters. They should just call those "Nows", cause that's when I eat them. Or each pack should offer two flavors, one for NOW - cherry, apple, lime, banana, and one for LATER - pickle, ash, sofa.

Back to the bananas. It bothered me that neither my favored SweetTarts nor the N&Ls had captured the essence of the banana. Even Spree and Runts don't have it right. So what's the deal?

Conspiracy. Like the world bank, the moon landing, and Shopping Mall Santas, someone is pulling strings.

As a kid, I pictured the heads of the major candy brands getting together in Canada for a secret summit.

Willy Wonka, Charles Nestle, Barbara Hershey, Sugar Daddy, and Bazooka Joe all got together. Wonka is probably the chairperson for the Pentfectionary.
"Listen folks, I think we're all sinking too much money into extracting the real banana flavor for our candies. If we use real banana juice, the candy turns brown in the sun and gives everyone the runs. It's time to make a decision."

Then they settled on the flavor that has become the ubiquitous character of any banana flavored candy. If you were to give a child a banana flavored SweetTart, a Runt, a Now & Later, and then give them their first banana, they'll think the banana has it wrong.

So is truth simply all of us agreeing to tell the same lies?




Hold Fast,

Caulfield

War on war

I went to a concert with some friends a few weeks ago. There were two opening acts before the headliners came out. (The openers destroyed the headliners, by the way.)
During the first song of the headliner a guy and his girlfriend moved from the back to front where my group had been since before the first act. He wedged himself in so tightly that I couldn't lift my arm to bring my drink to my mouth.
Assuming he simply wasn't aware of the space he was usurping I politely tapped him on the shoulder.
The exchange went something like this:

Me: Hey brother you're stepping all over me here.

Jerk Face: So?

Me: Well maybe this isn't the best place for you to camp out.

Jerk Face: So, move back.

Me: I can't move back, there are people behind me. I don't want to be the rude guy who crushes everyone.

Jerk Face: Are you saying I'm rude.

Me: No, I'm saying there may not be room for you up here.

Jerk Face: Is that a problem?

Me: I guess not man.

Now, this guy was ready to fight. He was willing to battle for his 2'x2' space near the stage. I backed off and I know that backing off was the right thing.

I hate, though, that there was any doubt. I hate all the pressure I felt to be the cool movie guy and either embarrass or physically dominate this little punk.

Now, I don't believe in Karma. But I do believe that if you pee in the pool enough, eventually you're gonna swim in piss.

A few seconds after my encounter, I looked up to see the same Jerk mixing it up with a security guard. I don't know what the issue was, but it resulted in the jerk being thrown out of the venue.

Here were my wants:

• To see clearly what the right thing to do is and do it.
• To kick that guy's ass.
• To rise above violence and use reason.
• To teach that punk a lesson.
• To not feel threatened or bullied by other people's poor choices.
• To make that guy think twice before acting the fool in public.
• To forgive the foolish who choose the lower path.
• To be forgiven for wanting so badly to act like I didn't know better.
• To be calm in the face of adversity.
• To be scary to my adversaries.
• To forgive my enemies.
• To frighten my enemies.
• To be the better man.
• Self-control.
• To be the bigger man.
• Self-control.

I wish I were more like Jesus, Mr. Miyagi, my dad, my mom, Chuck D, most of my friends, and none of my enemies.

Hold Fast,

Caulfield

Beautiful and ...?

When did beauty become a virtue?


Peace,

Caulfield

Heard from the Stage

"Hey alright! Man wow, thank you, thanks so much. What a good crowd. Wow. You guys having fun tonight?! Alright alright, well we're gonna kick your collective ass so GET READY! Man, it's good to be home. They say the home crowd is the best one and man THEY WERE RIGHT! Yeah! It's crazy, I used to come see shows here all the time back in the day, I never thought I'd be up here in front of you guys. Wow.
Hey is anyone here from Davis High? Hell yes! Go gophers! Right?! Seems like yesterday I was playing the talent contest back there. We lost by the way. Oh well, I don't see any baton-twirlers up here tonight, so we should be okay.
I do want to thank Aqua Mauza for opening up for us, y'all give it up for Aqua Mauza! Hell yes!
It took us a long time to get here, so we're going to make the best of it tonight. Who knows when we'll get another chance, right?
So, this next song is about a girl I knew back in my Davis High days. I guess you could say she was The girl. You know? That girl? Everybody's got a That girl. Well this one really screwed everything up for me. No seriously, I think I peaked too soon. I mean, what 17 year old stoner boy with a guitar deserves a Goddess? And yet... and yet there she was.
She was that girl that you'd see and want to be with, and then it's like...Holy Shit, I AM with her.... I had no idea how to treasure someone like that. I mean she could see right through me and was never impressed by the band stuff. I mean, she came to the shows, but she liked me for me. She could care less weather or not I ever got famous...
I mean she took care of herself, you know, but she also took care of everyone around her. And she was beautiful, like for real. It's crazy. This band has gotten me more action than I could ever have guessed... but it's never good like it was with her. Stop, stop, I'm not talking about that stuff, I mean everything.
So, yeah, she really fucked everything up for me. After a girl like that... after a That Girl, where do you go? I'll tell you. You go down. You go away. You get famous and get all this gravity and suddenly instead of intimacy you have satellites and cheap thrills. Man I'd give up anything to lose it all. ...
... Jesus, you guys got quiet on me, something I said? Hey we're still gonna rock, right? RIGHT?


... right?

Anyway, I hope she came to the show tonight. I know she knows who I'm talking about. If you're out there, this song's for you. And anyone else who let That Girl ruin 'em the way mine ruined me...

So here we go...1..2..1.2.3.4....................................... "

Arctic Entryway

In Alaska we lived off post in a military neighborhood. My non-army friends called it the projects because all of the duplexes looked just alike. Aluminum siding, beige paint, they were not interesting enough to be ugly.

The one feature that was interesting to me when we first moved there were the front doors. You'd walk in from the cold and instead of a living area you were in a room roughly the size of a walk-in closet. Then you passed through another door to get into the living area of the house. It's called an Arctic Entryway. They're pretty useful. It gives you a place to kick the snow off of your boots so you don't track a mess into the house. It also provides a buffer between the frosty air outside and the warmth of the house. The idea is you don't have both doors open at the same time. Think of a pressure lock on a spaceship. The idea is you don't bring the cold in from the outside.

I've written before on how hard this season is for me. Christmas Blues, SAD (seasonal affective disorder) whatever. If we could just skip ahead to January 3rd or so, that'd be okay with me.


The problem is that my sadness pours over onto people close to me. I try to keep it from driving my personality. I don't ever have unhealthy thoughts, I don't go on drinking binges or swallow pills. Nothing like that. Usually what happens is I go out to a mall or a bookstore and some Christmas song comes on and WHAM, I feel like crying. Or I get angry. It doesn't happen every day. It doesn't drive me to behave poorly. But I smile less. I don't participate, spiritually, in the season. I pray for it to pass and then celebrate survival of another Christmas season.

Maybe what I need is an arctic entryway. Perhaps this season calls for a buffer zone, a vacuum lock that allows me to knock off the chill before I encounter someone else's warmth. I'm perfectly willing to come in out of the cold, I really am. I try not to sulk (or pout or cry thus putting my name on Santa's naughty list) - I try not to wear my winter coat inside.

So let's try that. If you see me isolating myself. If I'm not getting into the spirit. Call me in from the cold. Let me know you've lit a fire and that there's room for me near you. And then, give me a minute. I need to knock the snow off of my boots. I need to close one door before I can open the other. It helps knowing that my family, my girlfriend, my friends, are on the other side of the inner door. It's good to know that when I close off the outside chill, my fingers may still be a bit numb from the cold, but when the next door opens, there's something good waiting for me and nothing has to follow me in unless I let it.

I hope that in midst of spending money, and driving around trying to give due time to our friends and family that we all have a good Christmas in spite of the season. I hope those of you with a little bit of extra warmth in your homes will let the rest of us in from the cold.

Peace,

Caulfield