Thanks, Mr. President

"Status quo, you know, that is Latin for "the mess we're in." - Ronald Reagan

It's one of my favorite quotes.

I've been maintaining status quo for as long as I can remember. I've learned to call the mess of my life home. For all the energy I spend maintaining - treading water, that is - I'd be nice to get on top of things. It's as if I need one strong push to reset the counter to zero. Accomplishing that, I can maintain zero. That's the theory any way. Maintaining zero sounds so simple, in theory.

The reality is that messes are a by-product of work. Any amount of energy used will create some waste.

My apartment is a wreck. I've gained way too much weight. I barely graduated from high school. When I did, I didn't celebrate, I relaxed. I breathed the sigh of relief normally reserved for survivors.

That has become my M.O. - doing enough to get by. As a result I've learned to celebrate mediocrity and mourn success. Success is scary and foreign.

My guru says that I operate in the system I've developed for myself. The disorganized desk, the messy apartment, the neglected car, these are safe places because they cannot go wrong.

Of course the problem with status quo is that I never really get anywhere. The reprecussions range from embarrassing to threatening.

Watch this - When I moved in to my new apartment, for some reason, I didn't get a chest of drawers. I've just been stacking clothes here and there. The stacks didn't last long. Clothes are everywhere. I'll do just enough laundry to have clothes for work, but I never get ahead. The mess gets worse. I know I need to buy a dresser or chest or something. Buying furniture will require me to clean for two reasons: 1) There's nowhere to put a chest because I've got too much stuff in the way and 2) I'd need help moving the furniture and I don't want anyone seeing my apartment. My girlfriend of 6 months has never seen inside my place. That's not good. I recognize that.

How's that for a Catch-22?

I recently helped some friends paint the inside of their house. That's really cool of them. I'm nowhere near the maintenence level of painting. I've got to start with vacuuming.

I took care of the inside of my car recently. I've done a good job of maintaining a clean interior. But man if it isn't one thing, it's another. I got hit in a parking lot a month ago and have yet to take it in for repair. Why? Can't seem to organize my time. (But Caulfield, couldn't you do it now, instead of blogging about it? Shut up, voice.)

The good news is that I'm discovering why the mess is so cozy, what motivates me or de-motivates me.

The status quo is changing. I'm looking forward to the new, next mess. To be able to go from catching up to getting ahead is the goal. It is of course slow going. You take the small steps and celebrate the small victories. The status quo changes and I change, hopefully, along with it.

Peace
Caulfield